Friday, 16 January 2009

New Tactics

Devious, conniving, tricksy doldrites!

Did anyone see the news article about the mysterious appearance of thousands of shoes on a highway in Florida?

The authorities are baffled by their spontaneous appearance and seemingly no-one can work out where they have come from… well they haven’t asked the SHIT (Sock Horror Investigation Team).

It is obvious to us, with our world leading expertise, that this is the work of Doldrites! Let me explain what is happening. Up until now doldrite activity has revolved around the acquisition of socks that lie abandoned and forgotten, or are filched from our drawers and laundry when we are otherwise occupied. In other words, they have gone behind out backs and stayed out of sight.

This new tactic is altogether more daring and all too desperate. It appears they are in fact stealing socks from peoples’ feet (primarily while they are sleeping), but in the haste to make their escape they are not bothering to separate the socks from the shoes and are transporting the whole bundle back to the Doldrums. Over a period of time they have accumulated a surprising number of shoes, which they have pushed through a wormhole that just happened to open up on that stretch of the Florida highway.

We all know that they strive to free all sock kind, and regularly amaze us with the lengths they will go to when sourcing new initiates and to secure a way home. But the latest scheme is worrying for several reasons:

They are getting less secretive – they appear not to be worried about us finding out about them OR perhaps they think us too dumb to work this out

Their approaches are getting more invasive – stealing from our feet! Perhaps you have woken up yourself, perhaps after a night out, and not remembered taking your shoes and socks off?

Their efforts are accelerating – This is a relatively new technique and already they have amassed over 4000 shoes in this one tip.

Perhaps they are larger and more organised than we anticipated… I don’t want to think about that one!

All I can say is… be vigilant, stay safe and BEWARE YOUR SOCKS!
Madame Horror

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