Friday, 16 January 2009

New Tactics

Devious, conniving, tricksy doldrites!

Did anyone see the news article about the mysterious appearance of thousands of shoes on a highway in Florida?

The authorities are baffled by their spontaneous appearance and seemingly no-one can work out where they have come from… well they haven’t asked the SHIT (Sock Horror Investigation Team).

It is obvious to us, with our world leading expertise, that this is the work of Doldrites! Let me explain what is happening. Up until now doldrite activity has revolved around the acquisition of socks that lie abandoned and forgotten, or are filched from our drawers and laundry when we are otherwise occupied. In other words, they have gone behind out backs and stayed out of sight.

This new tactic is altogether more daring and all too desperate. It appears they are in fact stealing socks from peoples’ feet (primarily while they are sleeping), but in the haste to make their escape they are not bothering to separate the socks from the shoes and are transporting the whole bundle back to the Doldrums. Over a period of time they have accumulated a surprising number of shoes, which they have pushed through a wormhole that just happened to open up on that stretch of the Florida highway.

We all know that they strive to free all sock kind, and regularly amaze us with the lengths they will go to when sourcing new initiates and to secure a way home. But the latest scheme is worrying for several reasons:

They are getting less secretive – they appear not to be worried about us finding out about them OR perhaps they think us too dumb to work this out

Their approaches are getting more invasive – stealing from our feet! Perhaps you have woken up yourself, perhaps after a night out, and not remembered taking your shoes and socks off?

Their efforts are accelerating – This is a relatively new technique and already they have amassed over 4000 shoes in this one tip.

Perhaps they are larger and more organised than we anticipated… I don’t want to think about that one!

All I can say is… be vigilant, stay safe and BEWARE YOUR SOCKS!
Madame Horror

Saturday, 10 January 2009

Secret Santa

Some of you may be aware that Sock Horror was born Christmas 2006 in a bid to come up with novel Secret Santa gifts for my friends. Well the deal has come full circle. This year, the Secret Santa I recieved from one of my friends was a Sock Horror Trap!

It's truly amazing; the amount of thought and research that has gone in to this contraption is impressive. The mechanism, which is fully functional, is devised from a standard mouse trap and a fangled coat hanger that holds up the trap door until the spring has sprung. And it si lethal; I have caught myself with it several times while playing with it!

It is baited with a seemingly harmless mix of loose wool and discarded sleepers... and there is a solitary key to entice even the most wary doldrites into it's confines. My friend has definitely done his homework; even to the point of ensuring that a marauding doldrite would be able to fit into the apparatus with ease.

I think you can say I'm well chuffed, and that this is the prototype of traps to come!

But it doesn't end there... another gift from the same friends was the following bronze plaque:

Don't ask me how they found such a truly apt plate but I'm glad they did. Cheers guys!

Thursday, 1 January 2009

Happy New Year!

Well, 2009 has offically begun!

Determined to get the year off to the right kind of start I have thrown myself at my work with the gusto of one that may not live to see another day. Slowly clearing out the mass of paperwork I've allowed to grow through 2008, working out where my efforts should focus in the begining of the year and listing the few remaining creatures I have left after the Christmas period on my website...which are also starting to filter onto Etsy:

And after the abuse I have put myself through this past week (chocolates, very little exercise, more chocolates, party food and very little sleep) I was very pleased when I came across this much needed cleansing soap by Bunny Butt Apothecary

I need to take more care of myself.